Hey y'all, sorry for not blogging for a while. I was completely swamped by school work and though I have gone out galivanting, I felt like I don't have much to talk about. It's one of those writer's block, you know?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do as a career. I am interested in many things but I am limited in many skills needed as well. I really really love to be a writer and just write stories. It doesn't even matter what kind of stories I write, as long as I can get through the writer's block and self-doubt, I can write and write and write. There were times when ideas and witty words would come to me and I would sit and type for hours and late into the night.
When I was teaching middle school kids, I had like 50 story ideas that popped into my head one day while supervising them during their exam. I thought about writing a story for my students...a story they would love to read. That was when I started writing vigorously for a month. Then, I stopped. Just like many other stories I have written, I stopped half way through because I stopped believing in what I wrote and my inspirations went away.
I really want to study creative writing and learn more about writing a good story. I want to impact others with my writing because I believe in good literature and good words that change people's lives. But...yes, there's the big BUT. But what if I really am not a writer material? What if I can't support my family if my husband for some wild reasons loses his job? What if people don't like my stories? What if I go and study for 2 years in grad school as a creative writer and found that I am only wasting my time and money?
There are some questions I often ask myself. Some of them I've had answers for but for some questions, I am still searching for the answers.
--Do I have to go to grad school to be a writer?
--Will I even have time to write after I have kids?
--Can I be a part-time writer?
--How can I be successful?
--In the end, does it matter what I do as long as I achieve the goals in my life?
I am applying to the MA TESOL program in BYU next Fall. For a while I was really sure that was what I want to do. I think I am pretty good at teaching English to speakers of other languages and I have quite a lot of experience doing that. However, I won't be learning about literature anymore. That was my life for the whole 3 and a half year in Hawaii and it's going to be just that? Call me crazy but I miss writing a research paper and "dissecting" the literature. I miss knowing what "deconstruction" theory is and read 10 to 15 novels every semesters. My friends told me TESOL is going to be great. I really hope so. I really hope I will like it.
and in the end...I still love being an English major.
Sorry this post is kinda depressing. On a happier note, I am going traveling soon and we'll be back with lots of pictures and tales to tell :) I'll be modeling for a photographer too *wink*
Happy second week of November!