Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Story #330: An old fart's soul searching

Yesterday as I was being nosy on Facebook, checking out an old friend's profile, I came across a comment her older brother left on her wall. It caught my attention because a)I know him, b)I empathize with what he said. He said, probably jokingly, that he his living his life vicariously thought his younger sister (8 years younger)'s life because he has become "an old fart." Whether he was joking or not, it hit me that I am slowly becoming an old fart too!

When I was in a teenager, I picture my life to be glamorous--living in a penthouse in NYC and go to party every night til I hit 35. I can't say that I have a boring life because it is actually quite interesting (I go places every few months, how boring can my life get?) But sometimes I am envious of my single friends who are making tough choices and deciding who to marry. Gosh! sometimes I am secretly envious of my mother-in-law who still goes to singles dance. I am nuts!!

I probably shouldn't confess here since Mr.L will definitely read this. But I am not complaining about my life or him. I enjoy being me and I love being married to a gorgeous and awesome husband. I just resent the fact that I am getting older and not having any energy left to make new friends and be a social butterfly like my sister (jeez louis, she talks on the phone like constantly with friends from across the world, and she has more friends here in Provo than I do!). It's probably an excuse and I should probably kick myself and count my blessings. I just don't want to be an old fart and live vicariously through others :( I know I don't have to. I need a good cold shower from heaven to wake me up and remind me of how blessed I am.

Anyways, I went to my first class of the semester today and I will be starting my student teaching next week! I am so nervous about it. Why do I get so antsy about things?? I need to, like Dale Carnegie said, stop worrying and start living. I really should start reading that self-help book. I am reading Eat, Pray, Love these few days and I think I need to do some kind of soul-searching like Elizabeth did, only I am turning to my Heavenly Father and not just some great power in the universe.

Dear friends, I'll be back to let you know how my soul-searching goes. I promise you that I will not live vicariously through others and I won't be envious of my sister or my mother-in-law anymore.


1 comment:

Lia said...

Hmm . . . I should do more exciting things so you can be jealous of me! haha . . . Jk. Sometimes I am jealous of married people just because I don't want to try to find a roommate when I move! haha.