Friday, January 07, 2011

Story #332: On being happy

Sometimes I am afraid to be happy. I always think that happiness is short-lived and if you are too happy, some bad forces will give you a taste of sadness really soon. When I told his family that I don't have anything to fast for, they were all "Oops, you're gonna jinx it. Trials will be at the door soon." That's further confirmation that I shouldn't be too content and comfortable about myself and my life. Isn't that sad? But as sad as it sounds and as much as I know that I shouldn't, when I am really excited about something, I want to hide my happiness.

I have been really stressed-out about getting into the TESOL master program here at BYU. I am enrolled in the TESOL certificate program, which is what everyone has to do before going into the MA program. But in order to get in the MA program, I'll have to do well in all of my classes, the GRE, and have a really good proposal for my Master's thesis/project. I went to my professor just now and showed him my proposal. To my surprise, he loved it. After reading my proposal he told me he's excited to work with me on the project and we can be co-authors for the dictionary I propose to create. He even said that my GRE score is good enough and that he wouldn't worry so much if he was me. Well, I was ecstatic. Sounded like I am about to be accepted into the program!

But I had to stop myself from bursting into a song because I remember I had the same "great feeling" the last time I applied for a job as a sales assistant at the PCC. I didn't get the job even though I was pretty sure I would get it. From then on, every time I have a "great feeling" about something, I tell myself not to be too happy or else some evil forces will be envious and want to destroy any ounce of happiness I've got.

However, deep inside my heart I refuse to believe that that is the case! I want to be able to laugh and burst into songs when I am happy about something. I especially want to scream "YAHOOOOOOOO" on top of my lungs when my professor told me he liked my idea. I mean, why shouldn't I? I believe that I should be modest and always remember that sometimes things are not absolute and final yet, but I believe that I should also be able to tell people about it and not hide my happiness because I am afraid to lose it. I believe that even if things don't work out the way I want them to, it will work out in some other miraculous way.

If you don't have a roof over your head when it rains, you can always use an umbrella.
Have a GREAT weekend!

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